Hey guys. I moved to Virginia back in February. I'm living with my friend from college, and I've been looking for work. I got a few commissions/contract projects, which is great, but my friend needs to move out soon, which means I need to move too, and no one's going to let me rent an apartment if I only have part-time contract work. So that'll be fun to figure out.
I've been feeling bummed about my art lately. During my one year in art school I improved so much because my professors and classmates pushed me to do better and learn more. I almost wish I would've just gone to art school in the first place instead of having a one year program with my college. I feel like after that one year I stagnated and can't recover. I'm proud of a lot of my art from college, but stuff now is really...meh. I don't know. I have crippling self-doubt at least 50% of the time about my life in general, so that doesn't help. I feel like the art styles that I want to imitate are out of my reach. I'm stuck in one thing. I'm "good" at one thing but the styles I like take me hours and the result is mediocre. I can only see what I need to get better at, and I can't improve everything at once and it just stresses me out thinking about it. I know this will take time but it seems like I'm just aimlessly scribbling and never going anywhere. Sometimes I feel like I'm competing with my peers and without fail they surpass me. I'm happy for my friends' successes but I just don't know what to do for myself. I spend countless hours on paintings that no one really likes. And while I'm all for the whole "just do what you love and ignore everyone else" mentality, I can't help but feel sad about that.
I apologize for this boring and depressing journal. I just needed to rant a little. I really do appreciate all my watchers. Thanks for sticking with me this long. I'll try make more great art so I can post it.